New at Associated Content…
My Crappy Neighborhood October 23, 2008
First, note the timestamp on this blog… it’s late…
Little Henry has outgrown his size 1 diapers so for the past few nights he’s been leaking pee-pee all over himself. That typically makes him very upset. I, too, would be upset if I wet the bed. I got up to help him out and as we were crossing through the dark living room I could see orange through the cracks of the blinds.
I’m not an adrenaline junkie. I don’t like the sensation of a racing heart, clammy hands, those little hairs on the back of the neck. I felt scared. My gut reaction was that one of the houses across the way was on fire. But why didn’t I smell smoke or hear sirens? So then I thought maybe the sun was coming up. At 3am? Out the west facing window? That makes no sense.
Twisting the magic wand thing on the blinds, I could see a flatbed outside. I was seeing its orange lights through the cracks (good, the neighborhood isn’t on fire). Oh, crap, where’s my car? Ok, there it is. It’s safe where I left it.
The car next to me was being hauled away. Some black sports car. You see, people don’t just randomly have car trouble at 3 am. This place is a dumping ground for stolen vehicles. We live in a less traveled section of the complex so weird stuff always happens back here. We have a couple who pursues their affair in a green Expedition right outside our patio. Our neighbor was robbed at gunpoint. Prostitues “do it” in cars right outside and then leave their crazy prophylactics on the ground. It’s horrible!
And this, folks, is the reason we are itching to move out of this Florida nightmare. This place is so foul and filthy. If anyone wants to contribute to our down payment I’ll give you my PayPal details and you can make a deposit.
DON’T ANY OF YOU EVER CONSIDER MOVING TO ORLANDO, IT’S DANGEROUS AND NOT HEALTHY FOR YOUR KIDS!