Mark My Words

Writing, flying and yawning my way through motherhood

And Another Update… aka The Silver Lining October 21, 2008

On Saturday we grilled out with our neighbors. I had a porterhouse steak, a burger, a sweet potato and some zucchini. And a Samuel Adams Octoberfest.

Today is Tuesday. I’ve lost three pounds since Saturday. Making milk sure is a great calorie burner. 🙂


The Lost Day October 20, 2008

Filed under: Blogging,Breastfeeding — H. M. @ 9:57 pm
Tags: , ,

It seems like most days of the week are lost days since Henry was born. Not lost like down the drain and into the ocean. Just utterly unproductive.

As much as I loathe the idea of Henry sharing the bed, it’s the only way I can sleep longer than 45 minutes at a time. After long nights of trying to get him back to bed in the wee hours, I’m exhausted by 5. I want two consecutive hours of sleep. The only way that will happen is if he is curled up in the crook of my arm.

That’s how the day started.

Lately i’ve been feeling trapped by the breastfeeding gig. Today I got really pissed off at the “breast is best” advocates because, really, breast is not always best. Best for the child, yes. But as long as I am his sole source of nourishment I will have no life. And this is a family issue, not just a me and my son issue. I don’t think anyone, not my husband or my mom or anyone else, has any idea just how exhausting it is to have the baby on my tit all day long.

I’m not looking for sympathy, really. I know this is the sacrifice I chose to make for my son. And I love that we have this bond together. However, it affects me and my husband and our relationship to one another when Henry can’t be fed when he wants. And then throws a fit. Like in the car on the highway. Or at Boston Market. Or just at home. I feel like all my hobbies and interests are on a shelf till god knows when because I can’t read and breastfeed at the same time. I can’t type and breastfeed at the same time. And forget about having a hot meal. Or preparing a hot meal. Or a bowl of cereal. Even the simplest of tasks I have to put aside.

It just sucks sometimes. I try to act like everything is fabulous all the time and I put on a happy face, but in reality, I just wish I had someone to relate to. Someone else who misses their hobbies. I thought kicking my writing into high gear would be possible. I mean, I can sit in the chair with Henry on my boob and type, right? Yet it’s taken me two hours just to get this blog done.

So really, I don’t want sympathy. I just want two hours of uninterrupted sleep, and two hours to do something intellectual or athletic or artistic.


Brain: Gone With the Placenta October 15, 2008

Filed under: Breastfeeding,Mental Health — H. M. @ 9:53 pm
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It was bad when this weekend at Kristy’s shower I realized I was wearing a different shoe on each foot. Similar, they were. And by the same manufacturer. But one shoe is half a size larger than the other, and a different shade of brown. I wore this “pair” of shoes for two days before I noticed my gaffe.

Today I learned I don’t know my address. I’ve lived here for almost two years but my husband noticed today that I put the wrong return address on two letters. How could I not know my address? I used to know it before Henry was born. But now it seems that if it doesn’t have to do with breastfeeding or when I get to go to bed it’s not significant enough for me to remember. I suck.


Eew, Plugged Duct. It Just Sounds Gross. October 3, 2008

Filed under: Breastfeeding — H. M. @ 6:33 am
Tags: , ,

One afternoon last week I wasn’t feeling so hot. I felt sort of flu-ish, I was all achy and I felt a little bit feverish. It occurred to me that as long as I’m breastefeeding, I will never be able to just crawl into bed on a whim and heal myself. At least not when I’m home alone. It was that same feeling we flight attendants get when we get sick at work but we’re 2000 miles from home. Knowing we have to go up and down repeatedly and be cheerful when we just want to die is a real downer.

So I was having these aches and lethargy. Then, seemingly from out of nowhere, half of my right breast became engorged and hard as a rock. I fed the baby but it didn’t seem to help. It was hurting really bad, too. At first I didn’t think anything of it because in the past I’ve squeezed a little too hard when I’m trying to get him to latch on. I was left with a bruised feeling but it usually wasn’t very intense. This sensation was just weird.

As half my breast became incredibly sore, I remember reading about mastitis and plugged ducts in Nursing Your Baby by Karen and Gale Pryor. I looked up “plugged duct” in the index and turned to the passage that described all my symptoms. A plugged duct is just as it sounds, a blockage in the milk duct that traps the milk in the breast. It can be accompanied by fever and a swollen or hot breast. The book said to get the milk out by any means necessary, even if you have to “stand on your head”.

Fortunately I didn’t have to do that. I popped two Tylenol and fed Henry constantly for the rest of the day. Thank God he’s an eater! I tried to work out the lumps with my thumb as he ate. It was time consuming but eventually all the milk was expressed. I was still sore the next day but it did go away.

Even though it hurt to try and get the blockage cleared, I knew it had to be done. An untreated plugged duct can lead to infection and mastitis. Mastitis is a much more serious condition that causes severe pain and swelling and needs to be treated with antibiotics.

Since then, Henry hasn’t had much interest in eating. I’ll get about five minutes out of him then he’s done. I can’t blame him. I probably put a months worth of calories in him the other day.

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